She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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