yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
