I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
