My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
