Screwed.edu
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize