i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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