party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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