margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
