just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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