I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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