There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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