Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
