i barfeds in our rink
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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