I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
