I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
