My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
