i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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