dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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