I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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