It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
