hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
