5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had sex on a roof
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
