Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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