do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
