As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
