In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
