yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize