wakey wakey hands off snakey
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
