I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
