Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
