she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
