He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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