I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
