Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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