Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
