Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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