five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
