You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
