I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
