i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
