I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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