She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
