doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
