It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
