im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
