he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
