I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
