I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my being single is dangerous.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
