none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize