I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
