Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
