I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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