Yo dont text me then not text me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
