That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
