just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
