Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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