I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
