What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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