i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
