then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
