Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
