i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
