Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
