Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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