dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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