I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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